Past, Present And Future As an innocent child, I wasn’t really presented with the ideal “childhood” life. There were many of days that were filled with hope, wishes and prayers. I often prayed just to be able to live a normal life and other prayers for sanity and happiness. There was a tremendous amount of struggle that required sacrifices. In the beginning, birthdays were a special occasion, but as I got older each one started to feel like just a regular day. Cakes and gifts quickly became apologies and IOU’s. Laughs and giggles turned to tears and guilt. Food was scarce. It was just enough to stop the sound of the rumbling tummies. Sorrow and remorse were left behind the day my grandmother died. Mother couldn’t get out of the bed and the pillowcases were still soggy from the damp tears. Months after, depression grew upon her and deteriorated her health. Unable to move due to the medical issues, roles were quickly reversed. The one who cared and provided for me was the same one that was bedridden with illness. Most first graders get to enjoy the benefits of playing hopscotch, tetherball and jump rope. I had the luxury of cooking, and cleaning and sponge baths. I had so many adult responsibilities by the time second grade came; I could independently walk to get groceries, fill-out money orders for rent and accurately mail in payments for utilities. Prayers became a reality once we were presented with an opportunity to move out of Colonia.           I was excited and to leave the area that robbed me of a childhood. A bit skeptical because it was my home, it was the only place I knew but I was non hesitant to leave it behind. I was hopeful for new beginning. I relocated to a new city, new place and new life. Mother was gaining her health back and my life had a better purpose. I felt like I had wasted time, precious time for my childhood that I’ll never be able to get back. Many of years later, I was living my life as a normal child excelling in school, and making many new friends finally able to smile about life. There were family trips, games and even presents under the tree for Christmas. Holidays were filled with family fun and love. Even though we didn’t have a white picket fence I still had a reason to smile. We moved around a lot and that caused me to attend a total of eight different schools just between third and eighth grade. By the time high school came we were stable enough to stop moving around from location to location. We had been living in the same place for a few years now so every thing was comfortable and there wasn’t a need of mine that wasn’t tended to. My GPA never dropped below a 3.0 given all my prior situations. So by the start of high school I already had it predetermined that I was going to attend Cal State Dominguez. I was going to be the first generation to go to college, let alone finish high school. I had a lot of pressure. Things were getting rough but it wasn’t until Mother passed that I lost my confidence and motivation. I was sixteen and all alone. I was a year away from graduation and I was dreading the decision of returning to Oxnard to finish high school or just finishing my year at my school, with all my friends. I stayed out on my own and got my first job and was able to rent a room from a relative close by. That plan quickly went down the drain after I graduated high school with a solid 4.0.  I had enrolled into my freshman year of college not knowing of what I wanted to do with myself or where I wanted to go or who I wanted to be. So I dropped out. Now, just finally picking up the pieces, I realize that wasn’t in my best interest.          So as I plan for my future, I don’t know what it holds for me. However, there are goals and standards I set for myself that I would like to complete. Now that I’m older I can accept my childhood for all it did was prepare me for real life at an early age. Although its taking me a while to get my degree there is still ambition left motivating me to succeed. I am thankful for each circumstance that came with a lot of lessons learned in the past, which in turn prepared me for my present, which will determine who I become in the future.